So today was a fun filled day for me...well sorta, kinda. This morning the Boyfriend picked me and my laundry up from my house. Because well he's awesome like that. I was pretty darn happy when he called this morning. Then of course, we got into it. It really hurts when someone says 'This was a mistake I shouldn't have picked you up today.' So of course I head to the basement to do my laundry and well...cry. But then he comes down and tries to make me laugh and holds me and apologizes. And everything just feels so much better when he's holding me. And the rest of the day goes smoothly. Kissing and cuddling on the couch, ordering Jennifer's body On Demand (awesome movie go watch it), eating left over Pizza hut and mac & cheese. Then he has work and he drops me off and even home is quite nice.
I notice the Challah I made yesturday is practically gone. (Which was amazing and only possible because my awesome boyfriend got me a breadmaker for christmas) So I decide to make some more...and somehow manage to screw up the dough. But it bakes okay enough. Watching a new an exciting episode of Mercy and the bf calls.
So he asks me what I'm doing. 'Watching Mercy.' I say and he asks 'By yourself or wit the fam?'
'Wit the fam.' I answer and he responds 'Oh well I just wanted to call and say Hi. I'll let you get back.' I say, 'Okay I'll call you after. I love you.' He says 'Love you' and we hang up.
Now there is nothing wrong with this call. This is one of those calls I want to drop everything for. But I was really into the show and just wanted to finish watching it...I don't think that makes me a horrible person.
Mercy ends and I call him...his VM picks up. I hang up and repeat only yet again to get his VM...Then I text. 'Hey you.' to which I still get no response.
I know it's dumb to care because well his phone could've died or something. But like really? It just urks me a bit I guess. I'm weirdly programed.
Like for instance if we have a fight even if I'm super pissed at him I usually beat myself up over it. I feel somehow like he'll break up with me or hate me or something.
And every time I miss his call or something I apologize and give my reason for missing it. When he misses my call he usually doesn't give a reason and never really apologizes. I'm aware his reaction is the appropriate one. And I'm aware I'm totally wacky for feeling like the world is going to end over every little thing...but I just can't help it.
I should have really probably gone to a therapist by now after my first ever bf broke up with me when I was 18 and I broke apart. Or even when I was younger because I tended to be pretty depressed most of my life. But whatever. Too late now I guess. Or never to late perhaps.
Anyway the bread came out tasting really well. My sister bought me a really pretty nail polish! It's a very pretty blue. And well I know he still loves me. Phonecall or not.
In the Job front I scored a part-time from the bf at his job. Which thankfully means I can pay for things, buy what I want, and begin paying off all my debt. Unfortunately it also means according to the Health Insurance company I make too much money to qualify. Great!
The President really needs to get on some kinda Health Plan for College Graduates right after graduation up until you land your first good job. Or at least the first like 5-10 years after college. This really sucks. Healthcare is so damn pricey.
In other news, still no license unfortunately and I've been super moody/emotional/slightly depressed or rather a lil more so then usual these days. I severely feel like I'm pushing the bf away and that is so very much the opposite of what I want. I just don't know how to fix the way I react to things. It's not like I have a shitty life. I mean it isn't ideal and well I have no social life now that I work, because I work 8am-12am on Sat and 8am-4pm on Sunday, and well sometimes living at home drives me up a wall, and I still don't really have any of my own friends in the area, but I just I dunno I just want everything to work out. So I'm trying to ride it out as good as possible. I guess all I can hope for is that I on't drive everyone away with my crazy...Easier said then done.
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