An Air of change : A Tale of new Opportunity and Maturity coupled with crippling fear

So I have recently become employed again, in my chosen career path, that is. I managed to gain access to a group of wonderfully talented people at a Catering hall in the city. Great atmosphere, good pay. I'm still working at the yard doing the security thing part-time but this job takes all the things I have learned over those four lovingly expensive and exciting years of college and actually puts them to use.

I'm working three days a week at this new job, seven hour days. This is not an issue. Of course getting to work is always a battle but being at work is actually quite pleasurable. The only thing is that these three extra days of work are flipping my world on it's axis.

I was never one to deal with change well. I get flustered, stressed, out of sorts. I never quite understand how others do it. How does one handle work, family, friends, lovers, life. How do you juggle all these different aspects into one cohesive string. I always feel as if I'm missing something. I either feel I am not spending enough time with others or by myself or doing things I enjoy, I feel as though I'm dropping some ball or another.

I feel lost and when I feel lost all I want to do is curl into a ball under the covers, shut my eyes tight and let the days pass me by. Immature I'm aware. I don't know, there's just a part of me that wishes there was some kind of manual. Some kind of written work to tell me what it is I should or need to be doing. Or a part of me that wishes I could get a sight into my future, just a glimpse, to make sure that I don't screw it up somehow. To be certain that what I'm doing and how is not wrong. That I am indeed following the right path and that one day I do have it all figured out.

I know everyone is working to get there ducks in a row. That's just how life works. I just wish I knew the pattern they end up resembling that way I could enjoy all the stuff in between without worry. I'm aware that one day I'm going to need to be a grown up and deal with stressful things at the drop of a hat...i just worry I'm never going to learn the skill needed to accomplish this...