Apples, Deeroyote, Horrible Eating and Driving Upstate : A Tale of Hardships

So I went upstate with the boyfriend this weekend hoping for some apple picking romance. I've never actually been apple picking ever in my life and it was something I was really looking forward to. Something about the beauty of an orchard and the crisp sweetness of an apple had me more then a little excited. We were supposed to go last weekend but the bf, that's my boyfriend, had to help his dad fix the roof on their house in New Jersey. It really sucked too because besides not seeing him all weekend, we missed out on a wonderfully bright, warm and sunny weekend. Well anyway we drove up this past weekend in a foggy bout of rain and my heart was heavy with the doubt of possibility of no apple picking. My heart seemed to be wise. We stopped at a visitor rest stop and went upstairs to check out the brochures and things to do in the area kiosk.

I was looking around when I caught a glimpse of a wall with tons and tons of brochures. Sadly under each and everyone was a 'OUT OF SEASON' sign, which made my heart drop. The bf asked the man working the place for information on apple picking and the man said it was the tail end of the season but we could check out Soons orchard. He gave us a brochure and sent us on our way. As we were walking out he called down to us, that if we went we should try the Honey Crisp apple. We left and all was well for the time being.

We stopped by the Pizza Hut on the way up which was ABSOLUTELY delicious. There is something just so incredibly amazing about the way that Pepperoni Pizza and bread sticks taste at this establishment. I think it's probably due to the sauce. But whatever it was I enjoyed it immensely and we ended up bringin home three slices and a bread stick.

We arrived at the house upstate to find what I first thought were deer, but could have been coyote or wolves or more then likely fox, but I deemed Deeroyote, mainly because I found it amusing and he found it annoying. These critters looked as tall as deer but had long tails and ran off when we pulled into the drive way.

The next morning found us eating the leftover pizza and some chocolate teddy grahams for breakfast. The bf called the Soons orchard and found out that we missed out on Apple Picking season all together. I fought the tears but not the pout. Hey, I may be 23 but I never said I act my age. I was extremly disappointed. But the day was beautiful and he was determined not to waste it. You know how I know he loves me? He let me Drive!

Now any of you reading who haven't read any posts prior don't know this, so I'll tell you. I do not have a license. It has been a never ending battle for me that I just seem to keep losing. Regardless, however, he has trust and faith in me...plus I think he's really hoping for a break in our long drives. So he supports me and my learning how to drive and mastering it. I drove around the beautiful upstate area, feeling more like I was in Colorado or perhaps Minnesota, by all the beauty and mountain/hill ranges. It was really pretty awesome and rather fun disregarding some mistakes and scared moments created by the bf's reprimands to those mishaps.

When we got home from driving we had mac and cheese and refried beans for dinner...sounds disgusting I know but it was pretty f*ckin amazing!!!

Sadly the rest of the weekend the deeroytoe steered clear of the house. Which sucked cuz I really wanted to get a good look at them. Perhaps in the light even. Monday morning we closed up the house and left for home. It was such a beautiful day so it kinda sucked that we were headed home and that we didn't get to pick apples. =( Yes I'm still on that. However we did stop at the outlets and that was rather fun and romantic.

The silliest things are romantic to me I know. But hell I'm in love I'm supposed to be silly. So the plan now is Apple Picking next year. Most certainly. Hopefully, crosses fingers, it happens because I really really want to go.

It's a Bloody Nightmare : A Tale of Defeat and Deception

About a week. That's how long my Job lasted. I was overwhelmed, I was pathetic, I wasn't ready. I was also put in a position of having to make a serious life choice, Baker or Pastry Chef?

You are probably wondering what the difference is...that is if your even bothering to read this. Well let me explain.

A baker is someone who actually makes product. They get flour and batter all over themselves. Smudge their glasses or clothes with chocolate. They are the front line of the war. The Pastry chef? Well that's the finisher. He makes the pretty as my friend puts it. He never really makes the product but he uses his artistic abilities to take what he is given to a much higher level. So I was put in the position to decide if I wanted the thousands of dollars my mother and father put into schooling to go to me on the starting line or me dipping donuts and making ice cream cake...

I know. Right now you are thinking, -- Idiot, what the hell does it matter? It was a job. It was money. It was a cake walk. --

But I'm not the type of person that finds money important. I mean of course it is important, but to me, the happiness at a job is more important and to me I wouldn't have enjoyed this job. There was no challenge in it, it was getting far to large and out of hand and to be quite honest with you, I didn't want to put all the work into a starting business that I really had no desire for. Because if I'm being truthful with myself I wasn't committed to the job at all. Yeah, it was a great opportunity, good money and well...a job, but that wasn't the reason I should have jumped at it. I should have taken a step back and really thought about what I would be doing. Which is exactly what I did...perhaps a tad too late but in my opinion thankfully not late enough to be stuck. Because the designs were still mine, my life was still mine, my opinions, which were basically going unheard, were still mine. I hadn't signed myself away yet. Sure I worked 3 and a half days that I didn't have to. And sure I'll probably get no money for it. But in the long run it was the best thing I could do. The best thing for myself and the best thing for the guys I would have been screwing over had I decided to leave after the place opened.

So...Post grad and jobless once again. Gratefully my mother is on my side. She supports me and has my back, and as much as no one will believe it, I think shes happier I didn't take the job. She knows me, and she knows the tears I shed for this job that were totally unnecessary. My bf on the other hand...well he had a harder time taking the news. Which is understandable since he was the one who sorta got me the job. So he felt that I made an ass out of him. Which I guess essentially I did. Which totally sucks. It hurt me to turn down the job because I knew I would be letting him down in a way or two. Disappointing yet again. Disappointing him, disappointing his family...but I did think about it. I did run it through my head and friends and family and took everything and soaked in it. In the end though I had to do what was in my best interest. For my sanity, which in essence effects his sanity and my families sanity.

I do feel horrible about it though.

God, so very horrible. For many different reasons. However I don't regret my decision...if I regret anything in fact it is my initial decision. Me saying yes to the job in the first place. I could have turned it down. I could have assessed the situation better or asked for a better explanation of my title and what would be expected of me. Then maybe I would have known earlier and not hurt anyone...

Life sucks in that way. How in every action there is a reaction. How every thing has a consequence. Every decision you make, a result. How even the smallest can effect things in the largest ways. I feel really bad now and I was going to say I can't explain it, but I can.

I feel horrible for the people who love me, who care for me, who support me, who are carrying me and how not having a job effects them. I feel bad that my decisions affect them largely. But this job I turned down wasn't one I could hold till I found a new one. It wasn't a whatever gig. It was a commitment thing and I just couldn't give it the commitment it required or the guys starting it desired.

To me what I did was the lesser of two evils. Now though I need to find some kind of filler job and quick. I can't keep living my life they way I am. I need to support myself or i'll end up stuck in a much deeper rut with a much worse end note.

So I leave you with these two quotes I find to be fitting for the matter.

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." - Maureen Dowd

and

"A thousand things advance; nine hundred and ninety-nine retreat; that is progress." - Henri Frederic Amiel

From Nothing to Consumtion : A Tale of Struggle

So I finally did it. Through a round about loopy game of who's who and who said I scored a job. The problem? I went from having nothing to do to being consumed by a job. Funny thing? I haven't technically even started yet. I was chosen to be the Head Pastry Chef to a Donuts and icecream shop that is gonna be opening in NYC. I'm in charge of figuring out the flavors and names of the donuts. I also have to come up with an ingredient list as well as a supply list. I'm gonna be in charge of the decorating and training and management for anything pertaining to the donuts. I'm working with two gentlemen one of which hasn't even finished his course or graduated yet. He's gonna be the manager for the store, the employees and the icecream side of it all.

And I find myself scared out of my wits, lemme tell you. It's an awesome opportunity for me which is why I couldn't find a reason to turn it down. However I'm so very nervous of screwing up, failing and being, for yet another time, a disappointment to someone. I keep getting asked all these questions that I find I can not answer. I find myself just trying my hardest to keep up with it all without curling into a ball and crying my eyes out.

I'm going to be working 4pm-12pm today, tomorrow and Thursday at the Ice cream shop that is the provider of the ice cream we are going to be selling. It is going to be for me a type of 'training' for the store we are opening in the event that I ever have to assist with the front. Which will be more then likely at the start up. The store front isn't even set yet, I haven't officially signed any paperwork at all however I have a key which is pretty awesome.

But somehow I still keep waiting for everything to fall out from under me, you know? And I realized and began worrying that now that the balls started rolling I'm going to miss out on everything, Holidays, birthdays and family gatherings. Abtaining a license which I have failed at twice already and just life in general.

I'm most likely gonna be working 7 days a week to start when we do inevitably open which is somewhere round Nov 15 if everything goes as plan. I'm totally freaking out. I find myself yearning for college again. For classes and parties and drinking and not having to think about salaries and opening a shop and failing everyone, myself included. I just wish we had taken a class to help us prepare with growing up and handling things. Though I'm sure we probably would have thought it was boring, talked throughout it and went drinking after.

I feel like things are falling apart in my life and all I can do is work my hardest at just holding it all together like a fricken balancing act. I want this job...I do. I don't however want to lose myself, the ones I love, or my life in the process.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. An Intro.

Welcome to my life Post Grad!

Let me first give you an intro to myself so you know a little about what I'm doing here. My Name is Naomi, I'm 23, just graduated Johnson & Wales university with a BS is Pastry, I moved back home and I'm currently (and seemingly forever) unemployed.

I decided to start writing this because I used to blog on Livejournal and kinda lost touch with it. Also I realized that many of you out there might be in the very same situation I have found myself in.

After two long final years of college, some of the most exciting moments in my life, I find myself in quite a bit of a rut.

When you walk across the threshold on graduation day, grasp that diploma firmly in your hands and look upon your peers all you can imagine is everything the world has been telling you. Everything that the professors and leaders of this great country have been molding you for. You see a future, a bright promising ball of energy so bright it hurts to look at. But once you leave that stadium or auditorium, once all your bags are packed and stuffed into the now seemingly tiny corners of your childhood room, once your friends are miles away and you are waking up in that bed, under your parents roof again, under their rules and supervision, it finally hits you.

After four years of college...nothing has changed except you. The neighborhood is still the same, as are the people, and though the initial month you can't help but be grateful to be back the following months come in waves that manage to push you under.

I have been home in NY for about 5 months now. I couldn't wait to leave my dorm apt in RI. Couldn't wait to be home with my family and starting my life. And now??? Now I realize there are no jobs to be had, my family drives me bonkers and I will probably be living at home for a very long time.

My house feels like a jail cell and I am serving a life sentence. I remember missing all this. Wanting so bad to be back. And now the only thing I'm missing is school. Only made more prominent by the fact that the school year has once again begun and I am here, sitting in my room, doing just this.

Why do I not have a job?, you ask. Well I will tell you. For months now I have been applying and sending resumes upon resumes any and everywhere I possibly can that deals with the field my mother spent thousands a year to educate me in. The most I have gotten in return as an answer? Your resume looks great but I'm sorry we have nothing to offer.

This economy is killing me. And not just me many of my friends as well. Ones who have only be able to secure part time gigs. Even my bf who has a BS in Criminal Justice, and who has been searching for over a year for a new job, has found nothing. No bites. And he seriously needs the job because he wants to go to Law school.

Not that I don't need one as well. I do. I have plans. I have needs. Like for instance moving out from under my families thumb. There is nothing more restricting then being free for years in your own dorm apt and then moving back home. Ugh.

So anyway, I should really be doing something productive right now, like packing for my lovely weekend away from my suffocatingly loving family for some alone time with the BF. Or perhaps writing all those Thank You cards my mom requests me to write to everyone in my family to let them know I'm a graduate.

I guess I'll go now but I want to leave you on a good note. So I leave to you this quote by, Laurence Ferlinghetti,

"The world is a beautiful place to be born into if you don't mind some people dying all the time or maybe only starving some of the time which isn't half so bad if it isn't you."