From Nothing to Consumtion : A Tale of Struggle

So I finally did it. Through a round about loopy game of who's who and who said I scored a job. The problem? I went from having nothing to do to being consumed by a job. Funny thing? I haven't technically even started yet. I was chosen to be the Head Pastry Chef to a Donuts and icecream shop that is gonna be opening in NYC. I'm in charge of figuring out the flavors and names of the donuts. I also have to come up with an ingredient list as well as a supply list. I'm gonna be in charge of the decorating and training and management for anything pertaining to the donuts. I'm working with two gentlemen one of which hasn't even finished his course or graduated yet. He's gonna be the manager for the store, the employees and the icecream side of it all.

And I find myself scared out of my wits, lemme tell you. It's an awesome opportunity for me which is why I couldn't find a reason to turn it down. However I'm so very nervous of screwing up, failing and being, for yet another time, a disappointment to someone. I keep getting asked all these questions that I find I can not answer. I find myself just trying my hardest to keep up with it all without curling into a ball and crying my eyes out.

I'm going to be working 4pm-12pm today, tomorrow and Thursday at the Ice cream shop that is the provider of the ice cream we are going to be selling. It is going to be for me a type of 'training' for the store we are opening in the event that I ever have to assist with the front. Which will be more then likely at the start up. The store front isn't even set yet, I haven't officially signed any paperwork at all however I have a key which is pretty awesome.

But somehow I still keep waiting for everything to fall out from under me, you know? And I realized and began worrying that now that the balls started rolling I'm going to miss out on everything, Holidays, birthdays and family gatherings. Abtaining a license which I have failed at twice already and just life in general.

I'm most likely gonna be working 7 days a week to start when we do inevitably open which is somewhere round Nov 15 if everything goes as plan. I'm totally freaking out. I find myself yearning for college again. For classes and parties and drinking and not having to think about salaries and opening a shop and failing everyone, myself included. I just wish we had taken a class to help us prepare with growing up and handling things. Though I'm sure we probably would have thought it was boring, talked throughout it and went drinking after.

I feel like things are falling apart in my life and all I can do is work my hardest at just holding it all together like a fricken balancing act. I want this job...I do. I don't however want to lose myself, the ones I love, or my life in the process.